March 10,2013

Are You My Mother?

I’m going to makes lots of money.

While I’m no whiz at investing, I do know this: if demand for an item is high and supply is low, its price goes up.

That basic principle of economics occurred to me while I was reading a book to my grandson called Are You My Mother?

As many of you know, this classic opens with a mother bird sitting on an egg. When it’s clear her chick is on the way, she flies off to find him a worm. The egg hatches, and the baby bird asks, “where is my mother?”

He walks around looking for her. He comes across a kitten, a hen, a dog, and a cow. He asks each one, “Are you my mother?” They all say, “No.”

The book asks, “Did he have a mother?”

“I did have a mother”, insists the hatching, looking distraught. “I know I did. I have to find her. I will. I WILL!”

(Note: It was at this point I knew I had a potential collector’s item in my hands.)

The baby bird starts to run. He’s on a mission. He sees a car, then a boat, and a plane. He calls out to the boat, but it does not stop. “Here I am, mother,” he shouts out to the plane. But the plane flies off.

A huge power shovel appears and lifts the baby bird into the sky. He knows the power shovel is not his mother when it lets out a loud snort.

“I want my mother!” the chick wails.

At that moment, the shovel drops the baby bird back in to his nest. Surprise! There’s his mother…he’s absolutely sure about that. They cuddle together in their nest, the story is over, and my grandson is happy as can be.

Have you guessed why I’m buying every copy of Are You My Mother? I can get my hands on?

Well, I believe it’s only a matter of time until this beloved classic is banned, because it’s based on these highly controversial ideas:

  1. Everyone has a mother.
  2. Everyone, especially a baby, has a unique, primal connection to his mother
  3. Separation from his mother may lead to wondering where she is, and eventually to searching for her.

In case you haven’t noticed, these views are under siege. Those who believe in them are called ugly names. They’re considered intolerant and hateful. They’re on the wrong side of “the biggest civil rights issue of our time”.

These days lots of babies are deliberately created based on the planned anonymity of their biological mothers or fathers. And if the Supreme Court decides to redefine marriage, the number of children conceived this way will
surely increase.

What of it? We’re told all a child needs is adults who love him. “The kids are alright”, right?

Not if you ask some of the kids themselves. Take a look at the sites they’ve created: cryokidconfessions (note the ice), searchingformyspermdonorfather, TangledWebs, and StrangeConceptions.

Like the chick, these adult children of gamete donors are in distress, determined to find their bio parents: “I have to find her/him. I will. I WILL!”

They are categorically against donor assisted conception, but I’m afraid they haven’t got a chance against the voices celebrating “alternative families”.

So you see, this little book is heresy. Mark my words — It will disappear from libraries and bookstores. It may even go up in flames – think Fahrenheit 451.

Just a few will remain, but the book will have tremendous historical interest. (Some collectors may even value its moldy views on family, although they won’t dare say so.)

So there it is: low supply, high demand…and yours truly hits the jackpot.

My next money making scheme? I’m glad you asked. When I’m finished with Are You My Mother, I’ll move on to buying all the copies I can find of Dr Seuss’ Hop on Pop. Unless, of course, you grab them first.


  1. melissa - reply

    I heard you on dr.laura, and I just have to say, you are a remarkable human being. You have opened my eyes, and I intend to spread the word. Thank you for all you do.

  2. Lori Egan - reply

    This thought process does nothing to address the number of children currently living in dysfunctional families or orphaned. I believe any child living with a drug addicted parent in a poverty ridden environment would give anything to have been born to different parent. Why is it such a horrible thing for individuals who want and have the means to raise happy and healthy children be unable to do so. Study after study supports the theory of the importance of the environment in the health and well being of the child. A “mother” is the person who loves and cares for a child and it has nothing to do with the biology of the situation.
    I find your thought process on this subject to be fear mongering and very closed minded.

  3. Chris - reply

    It’ll be banned because it suggests everyone has a mother? Let me guess…it’s now AF 632, we’re all decanted in hatcheries, we all take drugs to keep ourselves happy and kids play sexual games…oh, sorry, that’s Brave New World. My mistake.

    Meanwhile in the real world, cloning technology has yet to advance to the point where we don’t need mothers to give birth to us. Therefore, child must logically imply mother. So why will that implication become taboo in the near future?

  4. Miles - reply

    Better two fathers than a pompous, santimonious mother like you, Miriam.

    Btw, you’re getting some good exposure over at

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